I recently turned 30. This didn't bother me, numbers are just numbers, but it did make me think about how things can change in a short space of time. 18 months ago I was an actor working in London. 3 years ago I had a well paid desk job on the Southbank and wore suits. 6 years ago I ran an education department in a theatre. 7 years ago I was an army wife living in Cyprus. 8 years ago I was off my tits on WKD in Birkenhead's Destiny and Elite playing at podium dancing. So stuff changes, but it's just stuff. Situations and geography change and I love moving and planning the next stage of the adventure, but the one thing that struck me since having Emily and turning 30 is just how quickly friendships change. They die, as quickly as they come alive. You meet a person and say hello and become friends, you might work with them on a show, or in an office, or meet them at a comic book convention or a west end night club, and then they are gone. That's it. Their ghosts waft around facebook and twitter. You keep them in your head and think of them when something reminds you of them, but you don't call or text or visit. Friendships seem to boil down to a 'like' on facebook when you post a funny status or a photo of a baby.
My friendships are, with one exception, based loosely on my situation. Pregnant? Have pregnant friends. Mum? Have other mum friends. Actor? Meet other bar staff. I'm going to London tomorrow to see a few people and places, each of which sits nicely into my timeline of how to behave and how much I can swear. I've changed more in this last year then I have in the past 10, will they notice? Will they give a shit? Probably not, I'm probably mildly less interesting without an acting job, although performing at V Festival might notch me up a few points. They might say Emily is cute but if she cries they will find excuses to leave.
Other things change too. Your own opinion of people. Their opinion matters less, they stand on a different side of the baby wall and you think 'you're going to be so fucked when you have kids' when they moan about an early morning. Their excuses for not meeting up for a coffee after you've driven 200 miles with a screaming child ring hollow. I don't mind, my life used to be similar. My opinion of them matters very little. I forget birthdays all the time. I look after a baby all day every day and if she gets a bath and I don't kill either of us it's a Good Day. I'm a really shit friend.
There are people who bring you food when you're exhausted and terrified after giving birth, and there are those who send you a message on facebook on the day you have a baby asking for money for their latest fringe show. I'm meeting up with the former tomorrow, and I can't wait.